I’m 28 years old and currently single. The majority of my friends are coupled, engaged, married or starting families. They don’t know anyone they can set me up with and I work in an office that is primarily filled with women or people who are quite a bit older than me. I’ve never been the type of person who frequents the bar to meet people and that’s not changing anytime soon. What’s a girl to do?
I’ve tried online dating like so many others are inclined to do nowadays, but it has never really worked for me. So, when my friend, who has also tried the online thing, asked if I would be willing to go speed dating with her, I thought now was as good a time as any to mix it up. Life isn’t throwing guys my way through the usual means anyway, so why not give it a shot, right?
We did a little bit of research and saw that events through Fastlife.ca catered to specific themes (university educated, travel lovers, professionals, tall men, etc.) and decided that we would wait to see if we could find a deal through a discount voucher site (another friend of mine had done that before). The usual cost of the majority of their events is $59.99, which is a hefty price when you’re not really sure that it’s going to lead to anything; if we could save some money, it would help to convince us it was a good idea. Plus, if we had a good time, the extra cash could be put towards going to another date night in the future. Eventually we lucked out and found ourselves a coupon through Groupon (my go to website). The stars were aligned; we were on our way to potentially meeting some new people, new guys.
Arriving a bit before the 7:30 pm start time, we entered L1 Lounge at West Edmonton Mall and had absolutely no idea what to do. The host for the evening hadn’t arrived, so we popped back out and waited a bit before returning. When we came back about 10 minutes later, the hostess was there and greeted us, letting us know where everyone would be seated later on and invited us to grab a drink at the bar to unwind until all participants showed up.
My friend and I were the first ones there, so we each ordered a beverage and perched ourselves on a couple stools, watching as various men and women trickled in. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit we were sizing people up a little bit. After all, the girls were our competition and the guys were the reason why we were there.
The whole thing didn’t even begin until about eight o’clock, but it was a whirlwind of 12 mini dates. While it was a good time and it breezed by (before I knew it, it was over and it was already 10 pm), it was also a tad draining. Thankfully, though, it wasn’t like the movies tend to depict it.
I will say that some of the “dates” were great – conversation flowed well or I could feel an immediate connection – and others were a bit strained or awkward, feeling as if the eight minutes dragged. If you think about it, there is a lot riding on that first impression. Based on the experience of my friend and I, here are some tips for the guys: never talk about your ex, refrain from getting too touchy-feely, avoid rehearsing what you’re going to say to us, and don’t steer the whole conversation. The time we spend together, although short, should feel organic. Many of the guys were very nice, some a bit shy, a couple were somewhat arrogant, lots were engineers, all of them were just hoping, like we were, to meet someone great. If we liked them, we were supposed to check off their name on our cards. The host would go through them afterwards to figure out our matches and then notify us.
Ultimately, we ended up making a new girlfriend who is relatively new to the city, and, naturally, we invited her to join us for dessert after the event closed up shop and all the speed daters dispersed. We chatted about how it all went as girls are apt to do and came to the realization that there are plenty of us in the same boat. All of the ladies looked like great catches. We’re not sure why it’s so hard to find someone we can connect with, but we’re willing to take our time to find the right person. Of course, that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun in the meantime. One friend pondered why they didn’t make it larger where would we meet twenty people instead of a dozen, but my response to that was that it’s so overwhelming. We already had a hard enough time recalling all the conversations we had that night and differentiating the guys from one another after we left, let alone adding another eight people to the mix.
However, I posed this question to my friends over our dessert: despite some complaints about some of the guys and the event itself, would you ever go speed dating again? At first it was a resounding “no” from both of my friends, but slowly one changed her mind. Initially, I said I might choose to take part once more, but after being told we would receive our mutual matches the following day and not actually hearing anything for three days, I thought the service could have been better.
In the end, I received two matches, but after such a delay to find out who they were, I think many of us already forgot who we had spoken to. The details melded together and it became a big blur, at least for me. The postponed notice of our matches took away from the momentum of the initial contact, and we started to think maybe we didn’t get any matches at all. I was the one who decided to reach out to my matches first (it’s time for the ladies to take charge), but I feel that with e-mail as the only point of contact, it becomes too easy for someone to disregard the matches and move on without attempting to see where an additional meeting could lead. In my case, one of my matches told me he doesn’t like to go out with more than one person at a time, and since he already had plans to meet someone else from the same event, he wasn’t planning to see me. I don’t know what you think about that, but my first thought was, “this is the first time you’re going out with this other person since the event. Based on an eight minute conversation, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket and missing out on other opportunities.” But, really, it’s his loss, not mine. I went into this without any major expectations, had a fun night, checked off guys that aren’t usually my “type” (not that I have one), but had good conversation with, and just left it at that. I figured the worst that could happen is that they didn’t feel the same. I had no attachments yet, so I wouldn’t be broken up over the outcome.
Would I recommend going to something like this with a friend or two? It’s a tough call. If you like the idea of having a friend there for support and to talk to about the whole ordeal afterwards, then, yes, I’d say bring someone along. But, if you can be the jealous type, I’d tell you that it might be best to go on your own. It would be terrible if you were excited about someone you met, but your friend was matched instead, or perhaps if you both received the same matches, but it didn’t work out for one of you. It’s really a judgement call. Although, no matter what, you have to take it all in stride. You can’t invest everything in this one instance because life doesn’t always go the way you expect it to. I enjoyed going with my friend as the discussion alone was worth it.
With regards to the event coordination, I would say that, for the regular cost of $60, not having a drink included is unfortunate; also nacho chips with no toppings and just sides of salsa and sour cream were included, but not placed out until the very end. They weren’t enticing enough to keep participants there. In fact, in my opinion, FastLife was a bit cheap considering the amount of money each person spent on the evening. Know that if you decide to attend one of these events, there might be extra costs associated. I may try this avenue again because I wouldn’t mind seeing what kind of guys show up at the other themed evenings. However, I would definitely seek out another deal or wait for FastLife to offer one (they do on occasion) as I think it’s too expensive to go for full price.
At the end of the day, dating nowadays seems like it’s a numbers game. You have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone you’re willing to start a relationship with. Some people are lucky to find their other half early in life and for others it takes a little more time. If anything, going to events like this, I might make a new circle of friends and I’m always up for that.
If you’re considering speed dating, remember that it’s all in good fun. You have to go in with an open mind and just be ready to take a chance. Hopefully, you’ll have a fun time, maybe make a friend or two and come out of it with some good stories to tell.